Sam told me

That she thought I was considerate the other day. She probably won't think so now I've shared this.
It knocked me for six. If she told me I'd just beaten Angelina for an oscar / FHM poll of sexiest women, I couldn't have been more shocked.

Wish she'd told me when we were together.
I didn't know she thought that. I don't think she knew she thought that actually.

It made me think.
Realise, when it comes to love, I have tried pretty hard to be.
I can do compromise. I can't settle, but I can work my arse off to make it work with someone I don't believe is a settle.

It made me realise that actually all this talk of 'I want a dating frenzy' is a diversion.

I want what I've always wanted. True love.

The kind of love that sees you trying to make someone happy when the whole 'in love' stuff is out the window. The kind of love that means you'll happily wait for it to come back in the door. Go through the motions of being crazy about someone when in truth you're mad, sad, just plain knackered. You know, if you do that it'll come good again. That, even if it doesn't, you'll have given all you had to give, been the best you could be.

I want love that once in a blue moon means you get to feel like the sexiest thing on the whole planet, get to dirty dance with someone who may secretly think your rthymn is out but would never let you know that.

I want dishonesty. The kind of dishonesty that says 'no darling, your bum doesn't look big in that'. To keep you smiling, because even though it does the person you're with thinks you're a total sexbomb and can't wait to explode you.

I want honesty, the kind of honesty that goes, 'honey i did that cos I wanted to, and I know you didn't want me to but I put myself first. However, tonight's your night and just to show you that's not the way it will always be, I've arranged for us to...'(insert some sexy / crazy / downright geeky and a tad dull thing you always fancied but didn't dare to inflict on your partner.)

Maybe that makes me high maintenance. Maybe that makes me demanding. To show I can be flexible too, I'll settle for the dating frenzy whilst waiting.