Being Discerning

I've thought a lot about this one.

Everyone can agree that being judgmental is a bad thing.
Where's the line though?

When it is judgmental to say, 'sorry, not for me' and when is it just unjust?

The violinist isn't. For me. She's a Tory. With awful Tory parents who think she should meet someone 'because darling it makes you less poor' apparently. If the last five years taught me anything there, it's run.

I can't do it again. I'm strong, but not that strong. I want to be a nice person. I want to believe I'm kind and considerate and am learning to be gentle. Maybe that's self-delusional.

It'd be more self-delusional though to believe I could sit down round a pro foxhunting dinner table and come out with the carefully constructed persona I'm working on, in tact. I can't.

Something about full blue blooded Tories makes me feel not very kind. Maybe it's the smugness the 'we're a set and you lot are beneath us / wrong / dishonest / poor' stuff. Maybe it's the 'please use the correct cheese knife' 'manners is everything' , but god knows we know how to be rude stuff. Maybe it's just the fact their hearts were cut out at an early age . Something about full blue blooded Tories make me feel not very nurturing. Not very anything bar 'can I shout first, then could someone / anyone stuff me in the boot of the car and roll me down the hill please'.

It feels silly you know. Ministers, MP's have friendships across political boundaries. People make inter-political marriages all the time. I even have a few nice Tory friends, who have nice Tory parents, who I don't have to argue with every time I see them. Just sometimes.

And maybe everyone else is right. Maybe the knack to having a relationship in your 30's is to compromise on things you'd have rejected in your 20's. But I can't do it. It makes me want to choke, it makes me want to cry, it makes me want to scream 'what about being true to yourself? That matters, I know that matters'

So I haven't resolved whether it's judgmental or not. My friend says not, it's discerning - and I'm happy to go with that!

I suspect what we mean when we say we want people not to be judgmental is, they can, as long as they don't say anything too far away from where we are.
I mean bigots are in my world widely condemned. No bigot basher ever got told 'don't be so judgmental, racists can be very bright you know'. At least not in my hearing.

I've decided . No more Tory dates. From here on in the political questionnaire comes before parting with my limited resources over a bar.
So the comedian's struck off
The musician's struck off
And in theory it's just the human rights lawyer / journalist to go.

Only I'm deciding this whole selection by profession thing is a tad naff . The original thinking was I wanted someone to make me laugh, someone to creatively inspire me and someone to chat about big lefty political issues with. I should clarify when I said human rights lawyer / journalist I wasn't thinking news of the world / daily mail, or the guy prosecuting The Sun for showing Saddam in his underwear. But I've realised I don't need a journalist or a human rights lawyer, just someone who on the whole, agrees with my view of the world. Preferably with parents who do likewise.