A friend, who shall remain anonymous

Said, 'scrap the kissing rules, that's rubbish, snog their faces off, quickest way to test chemistry.' Or words to that effect.

Apparently, that way I'll know in about 3 seconds whether I want to date them.

In my opinion, kissing can be a chemistry climax or anticlimax, but, ultimately, enjoyable as it is if done nicely..... I don't need kissing to test chemistry. Chemistry can just wallop me off my feet without so much as a fingers brushing incident.

And a kiss can be more intimate than sharing your body with someone. Neon lights all around, much power, approach with caution.

Which is why, Sir, much as I appreciate your encouragement to get my lips wet, I'll leave the kissing in an envelope labeled 'special occasion', for now.

I'm a bit over internet dating actually. Tempted to drag myself out of cyberspace and back to the real world, after discovering that a man who has been emailing me intensely for the last 3 nights, actually has a girlfriend. Lucky I asked the 'so when did you split up?' question on the phone apparently, or he wasn't planning to mention it.

'Is that a problem?' he asked sweetly.

'Yes'.

He assured me that they haven't slept together for 18 months , and, tempting as it was to yell 'that old chestnut, grow up baby', I just pointed out that as a feminist, and a woman, that really wasn't my issue.

He did the biggest 'I want my cake and eat it' routine, whereby he was trying to get out of me an assurance that if he left, I'd wash his socks, or that's how it felt. I told him he sounded like a very mixed up man who needed to get himself together, and, sadly, I couldn't help with that.

Another day, another marvelous hat..............