The Boy is back

Why is it the minute you start to get over people they jump around banging cymbals in your ear so you can't pretend they're not there? What is it about human nature that means cool is so much sexier than warm?

I have been quietly getting on with not missing the Indonesian beauty. He has been texting. When we were together he texted as prolifically as a ninety year old with severe arthiritis and failing eyesight. Suddenly he's popping up in my inbox with alarming regularity.

'I love you, I miss you, I remember you, I think of you all the time'.
Uh-huh? Tempting as it is to shout 'shove it big man. I need guts' loud enough to be carried from Prague / Crowhurst / Edinburgh to Bali I have too much empathy for the predicament he's in and if I am honest....Like him too much to do so. We spoke. He went a few steps down the road I want him to travel. He has been speaking to friends, they think he's crazy, they think he should stand up to his family, they think he should take me to his village to meet his folks. He thinks they're right.

I feel like the lead is being tugged just to see if I am still at the end of it.
I am
But
Asked him what he wants to do
To get the back peddling don't hold me to anything stuff. 'I am not sure I am strong enough, I just thinking'

Uh huh
So, if it works I need to leave my home, friends, family, culture, live in a village in the middle of nowhere, have your kids (the caste must be propergated) and then bring them up to face all the 'you must' traditions your caste entails, convert to your religion or risk having your family go even more ballistic, deal with in laws hostile to me, hide big swathes of myself from the gossipy, uber suspersticious, uber religious Balinese community, and you are not sure you're strong enough?

I want to tell him to grow up. I want to tell him he creeps into my dreams and taunts me. I want to tell him 'I'm on the next flight over, by the way am bringing Brad and Angelina, did I mention I practice duo-monogamy now?'

I tell him to go away, do his thinking. I tell him not to talk to me again until he has something tangible to discuss. I tell him not to take too long.

The lead twitches
I decide it's long enough to roam around on
'Too little too late' says little sis.
I decide I will paddle down the stream of life at full throttle and if the Balinese boat comes my way again so be it, but I'm not standing at the shore watching out for it.
Then I stand at the shore and watch out for it

Edinburgh is beautiful, the job is going well. I am writing prolifically and setting up a network frenzy to get my eyes off the beach and into a plethora of sensuous softly furnished urban alcoves.